A magical night of destiny to remember before puking in the limo

Like, the prom is tonight--do you know that high school girls still say like? they do, fer sure--but like anyway the prom is tonight, and ohmigod! what a nightmare because I have like nothing to wear and I haven't been to tan , like ever! or to have my hair done or like anything and oh, wow if I had a flask I bet it wouldn't even fit in my purse.

Bummer.

Well, this should be interesting. Tonight, I actually am required to go to a prom, to take tickets, to eat what I'm warned will be a "white" dinner chosen by undeveloped 17-year-old palates, to try to help ensure that the illegal substances and potential baby-making are kept in the parking lot where they belong, and to see if it's possible to be discreet enough with the iPod earphones when they play the songs that I'm just not cool enough to like.

Twenty years ago, I couldn't get a date to my senior prom, but, as I recall, I just wanted a reason to wear a particular sapphire blue dress. Nineteen years ago, I turned down the guy or two who asked. I don't remember why, but that means I haven't been to a prom since I was a sophomore serving punch and cookies in a bow tie and tails. Your mental image of me grows cooler all the time, doesn't it? I expect, though, to see the same thing tonight that I did back then: some people having a great time, a lot of people wishing they were having a great time, and a few people wishing they were somewhere else. Maybe I'll let you know.