stupid is as stupid does

So the magic phrase, if you want to get a rise out of me, is apparently, "But it's only a misdemeanor."

ONLY. a. misdemeanor. ONLY. As if. Somehow that newly coined phrase is filed in the same part of my brain as "a little bit pregnant. " Cross-referenced by "meaningless" and "difficult to escape," both only without consequence if they're prevented, not stopped.

I set out my ration of exclamation points and try to explain.

"A criminal conviction will follow you around forever; it doesn't matter how stupid it was."

"Do you think it will stay on my record?!?!" Genuine shock. My reaction, in turn, perhaps heard by the neighbors. Doesn't anybody learn anything, ever? I collect myself and go on.

"How old are you?" He's a legal adult. He's also claiming a mix-up with a self-checkout machine, but I don't buy it. I know his friend. And regardless, the truth matters less than the record. The criminal record. Which must be disclosed, I point out, on applications for jobs and, yes, NATURALIZATION. Irony of ironies, any theft triggers the government's morals clause. He'd tried to just plead guilty to avoid appearing. On the one hand, I wonder if that's a guilty conscience or shame and am satisfied by it; on the other, I think, "don't be an idiot!"

And to think my hopes are pinned here. Or were. I'd feel more hopeful if it weren't such a chore to make him believe that paying the fine won't instantly fix this. Some things actually do matter, and it's possible to screw up big accidentally. In life, one must pay attention. Oh, I'm all for consequence, and I want him to have one, but the first step is to recognize the trouble!

My friend asks, "do you you think they all need bracelets that say 'What would Ms. P. do?' "

How about, "'DON'T BE A CRIMINAL!' Wouldn't THAT be a start?"

I can't believe I even have to say it.