greetings

I may or may not get a message tomorrow; I'm trying not to hope. I remember a Thanksgiving text last year, just two unanswered words, and I wonder about an encore. I haven't heard from him in a while, and my kids tend to fall into patterns. there's the one who always and only e-mails on my birthday, and never, ever responds to my reply. Until the next year, when the birthday wishes and vague update arrives exactly on the right day (it's easy to remember). There's the one who calls apologetically, always with some school-related question. The one who sends second-hand greetings and baby pictures. The pair of holiday callers. The handful who stop by randomly. The dozen who have disappeared from sight. That is the traditional route, graduate or quit, move on. But so many of them fail to cut the cord: just check my inbox from today: news of a job, congratulations, unsolicited advice. Arrangements made to have dinner with a girl whose lost her mother. It seems only right.

Most of the time these continued connections seem like a testament, that I'm doing what needs to be done. Sometimes I wonder if they mean that in some way I failed, that they see me as only a friend. I shrug and check my phone. Life's hard. There are worse things that I could be.