I’m an Iowan, and I approve this message

Get out!

Get the Hell out!

And take the Republicans with you!

I mean, I know our first in the nation caucus is a pretty big deal and all, but this has been a bit much. You wouldn’t think so many people would even want to be president after the mess George Bush has made of things. Then again, he has set the bar staggeringly low.

Yet here they are, despite frigid cold and piles of snow, traipsing hither and yon trying to convince everyone that only he or she has the experience necessary to be the agent for change the nation needs. “Stand for me tomorrow and I’ll stand up for you every day as your President,” they all seem to say. Does that mean if I don’t stand for you, you don’t have my back?

I vowed to stand for John Edwards weeks ago and I’ve seen nothing since to change my mind. But I reserve the right to vote for the eventual Democratic nominee, whoever it is.

Despite his good looks and skilled speech delivery, I’ve got 15 million reasons not to support Obama and his insufficient health care plan. Hillary may sleep with Bill, but she’s in bed with the very lobbyists who represent the source of most all that’s wrong in Washington. Yet I’ll proudly support either of them, if they’re the eventual nominee.

Some people, including too many of my fellow Iowans, have forgotten that it’s a process. In the grand scheme of things, the outcome of tomorrow’s caucuses really doesn’t mean much more than 150,000 Iowans got together to state their presidential preference. And if the polls are to be believed, no one’s taking a toboggan run to the nomination.

That we go first is certainly significant and brings a lot of attention to Iowa, but it is merely the start. I think I can safely speak for most of the state when I say, off you go.

We’ve put up with your endless commercials, your insufferable recorded phone calls and your late arrivals at every scheduled event.

Now go!

It’s a big country out there. The world is your oyster. Achieve your destiny.

You might drop us a line and let us know how it goes. But please don’t call.