What Texas has Taught Us (so far)

1. Sometimes toilet humor is about toilets.

2. Pageant hair comes natural.

3. The lessons of the Alamo can be applied to parking and dinner.

4. A pocketful of one dollar bills, no matter how innocently accumulated, can't but help make one feel slutty.

5. The Magnolia Pancake Haus: best contribution to Texas culture by German settlers, period.

6. You say Laser Quest, I say Loser Quest. Prove me wrong.

7. Alamo guards at 1 a.m. are far more gracious than Alamo guards at 5:29 p.m.

8. State troopers directing traffic in the parking lot are a sign that one has made an excellent choice for dinner.

9. Stars printed on the license plates. Stars embedded into the sidewalks. Stars embossed onto the sides of the highway ramps. What's the state nickname again?

10. The absence of monkeys in Germany can be explained by the "design" of the streets in downtown San Antonio. If you require further information, see the encyclopedia entry under Klüsterfuk.