I am a patriot and I love my country -- a welcome forwarded e-mail

I don't cotton to e-mail forwarders much. Especially don't expect me -- or threaten me -- to pass it along lest I'll suffer some unfortunate fate. Don't paint me as unpatriotic. Most of all, I'm not stupid.

After untold snopes.com reply-alls to everything imaginable -- and many things not -- my wife has learned over the years what is fair game and what isn't. So I, at least, open her forwards. This one came from a fellow Progressive Patriot for Peace (embrace the alliteration) from Iowa who now lives in Arizona. Author unknown.

I'm a little confused. Let me see if I have this straight ...

* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.

* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are elitist.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you've got a well-rounded education.

* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people
while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl (ED: actually, I think it was sports), 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive.

* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian.

* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group until 2002 that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, that represents what America is all about.


And, while I'm at it...