On the right, just this once

I swear, one of these days, I'm just going to do it.

My street is a hilly, curving lakeside drive, wide enough for two cars, but just. Except that certain idiot drivers--not all of them teenagers--choose to pilot the imaginary center lane of our shared road, typically while speeding well over the posted limit. So it would seem that one who was sideswiped while driving solidly on the right would have to be in line for some kind of settlement. If not for the potential traction (or worse), the swarming insurance adjusters, the skyrocketing premiums, the unpredictable police and the loss of my vehicle, it would seem a perfect windfall plan. And yet, more than once, I've been tempted to throw up my hands instead of steering out of the way, exclaim, "Fine! Take your best shot!" (expletive deleted) and let the car parts fall where they may.

Generally this comes after 45 minutes on the interstate home. Good thing I don't live any further, or else I may have already ended up a memorial bumper sticker. Have you seen these? I'm serious. Now I have one more thing to instruct my family not to do, should the time come: no burial (cremation and the beach, please), no roadside memorial (surely no one's that tacky), and no vinyl window cling!

I don't really believe I'm going to go in a crash (100 year-old women don't tend to commute), but given the miles I log surrounded by bad drivers, it has crossed my mind. And given the time in my car, I'm exposed to the latest automotive trends. Which, in certain circles, seem to include stickers to note the untimely passing of family and friends. On the one hand, whatever gets you through the day, but on the other hand, what? Americans are so weird, especially about death, and oh yes, I have my issues. But right now the one that I'm most intent to resolve has a much more specific scope and sequence. For the time being, my fellow Americans are on their own to find a therapist. I just want the people on this one street to drive ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE ROAD.